20 Days Till 25
March 5, 2011 § 3 Comments
Early Morning, March 5
Twenty days until I turn 25. It’s 3 a.m. and I’m sitting on the couch with my computer, still wide awake. The Boy is passed out next to me, cuddling a blanket.
Meanwhile I’m still awake doing the same thing I have since college, and since I quit CVS to move to the city, and since I quit that day job where that office manager yelled at me every day of every week for three months until I decided I valued my sanity and self-esteem more than a paycheck, and since I was “let go” from that other job that wasn’t necessarily my dream job but was a damn sight closer to writing for a living than any other attempt at employment I’ve tried on since graduation. I’m practicing my self-induced insomnia that creeps up on me when I’m bored or indecisive or trying not to think about bills and how much 300-word scholck I’ll have to write tomorrow – on a Saturday – to be able to pay them. I write about payday loans for $8.50 an article so that I can rent my apartment in the city without needing to borrow one myself. The only “easy cash, wired fast!” that will hit my bank account is the weekly payout from a few douchebags in Philly who hired me as their in-house writer and then decided that programmers deserved office space and health benefits more than the person who translates their search engine marketing into readable English that makes Google list their sites first. To quote my favorite line from an Andy Samberg SNL Digital Short, “Welcome to the real world, jackass.”
So this is me at 24-almost-25. Still awake surfing the Internet at 3 a.m. just like I was at 18-almost-19 in college. The setting has changed, but my feelings towards adulthood and my preparedness for it haven’t.
3:24 a.m. Time to close the computer and go to bed. Turn off the kitchen light, rouse The Boy from his sofa slumber.
“Honey…” I stand in front of him, poking his knee.
Sleep grunt. He hides it under the blanket.
“Honey, come to bed.” I shake his other leg.
“Mmm, I mmnammnammm…” His words aren’t working right now.
“Honey…” I curl up on top of him, which is hard because even though I’m tiny, he’s pretty tightly wound. I give a pleading look to his closed eyes. “Get up and come to bed.”
He wakes up with all 100 pounds of me on him. “…Halp.”
Sliding my feet to the floor, I stand, taking his hand to pull him up. He sits on the edge of the cushion for a moment, head dozing forward until I lift his chin and coax him back to bed.
As he stumbles off, I reach up to turn off the light on the bookcase, stroking Kenzy on the nose a few times as I do and wishing him goodnight (he’s been sleeping up there all night, his favorite perch in the apartment). I turn 25 in 20 days, and this cat is the only life form I feel comfortable being responsible for right now.
I’m not old enough to be almost-25. Tomorrow I’m going to clean the apartment like an adult.