The Rapture 2011: This Time For Real!

May 21, 2011 § 2 Comments

Judgment Day 2011. It’s been kind of a bust so far, with an astounding lack of worldwide earthquakes.

At the time of writing, I still have about 12 hours before the predicted “rolling earthquake” brings rapture and destruction to the City of Brotherly Love. What better time to throw together a compilation of appropriately-themed songs to groove along to in glorious anticipation? Here I present my soundtrack for The Rapture 2011: This Time For Real! 16 songs ranging from the campy to the thought-provoking, all entirely self-indulgent. Play it loud when pillaging vacated McMansions of raptured believers after 6 p.m. local time.

via Google Image Search

1. Cemeteries of London – Coldplay, Viva la Vida (2008) “Through the dark streets they go searching / To see God in their own way / Save the nighttime for your weeping / Your weeping… // God is in the houses and God is in my head / And all the cemeteries in London / I see God come in my garden but I don’t know what he said / For my heart it wasn’t open / Not open…” [download]

2. The Execution of All Things – Rilo Kiley, The Execution of All Things (2002) “Oh God come quickly, the execution of all things / Let’s start with the bears and the air and mountains, rivers, and streams…” [download]

3. Mrs. Jesus – Tori Amos, Scarlet’s Walk (2002) “The Gospel changes meaning if you follow John or Paul / And could you ever let it be the Mary of it all? / And even as I’m climbing up the stairs / I know there’s heaven there / And then empty arms / That comes with the Morning Star // Well, lifelines and suicide crimes / There’s something every day / And there’s someone always paging my Mrs. Jesus…” [download]

4. Act of the Apostle – Belle and Sebastian, The Life Pursuit (2006) “The lesson today was Acts of Apostles / The crazy hippies, they’re running scared / She shut her eyes and imagined the desert / No cars, no mobiles, just sun and bread / What would she look like standing by the well? / More like a woman and less like a girl // Oh, if I could make sense of it all! / I wish that I could sing / I’d stay in a melody / I would float along in my everlasting song / What would I do to believe?” [download]

5. Jesusland – Ben Folds, Songs for Silverman (2005) “Town to town / Broadcast to each house, they drop Your name / But no one knows Your face / Billboards quoting things You’d never say / You hang Your head and pray / For Jesusland…” [download]

6. Abraham – Sufjan Stevens, Seven Swans (2004) “Abraham / Put off on your son / Take instead the ram / Until Jesus comes…” [download]

7. Hell – Tegan and Sara, Sainthood (2009) “No we’re not ready for Hell, hell no! / For Hell, hell no!… // Four days to remove all the bad that we do / From the heart and the soul of the city, sad and cold / Four ways to collect what we say and what we save / To discard and discover a brand new way…” [download]

8. City with No Children – Arcade Fire, The Suburbs (2010) “You never trust a millionaire / Quoting the Sermon on the Mount / I used to think I was not like them / But I’m beginning to have my doubts, my doubts about it  // When you’re hiding underground / The rain can’t get you wet / Do you think your righteousness / Can pay the interest on your debt? / I have my doubts about it…” [download]

9. In the Devil’s Territory – Sufjan Stevens, Seven Swans (2004) “Be still and know your sign / The Beast will arrive in time / We stayed a long, long time / To see you, to beat you / To see you at last…” [download]

10. Heaven’s Gonna Happen Now – The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Belong (2011) “Come on, nothing’s gonna turn us down / So don’t stand there like you don’t care / Cause heaven’s gonna happen now…” [download]

11. Only the Good Die Young – Billy Joel, The Stranger (1977) “They say there’s a heaven for those who will wait / Some say it’s better but I say it ain’t / I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints / The sinners are much more fun / And only the good die young…” [download]

12. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Monty Python’s Life of Brian (1979) “For life is quite absurd / And death’s the final word / You must always face the curtain with a bow / Forget about your sin, give the audience a grin! / Enjoy it, it’s your last chance anyhow!” Because there’s nothing like some good old-fashioned blasphemy to ring in the Rapture, Monty Python style. [download]

13. We Will All Go Together When We Go – Tom Lehrer, More of Tom Lehrer (1959) “And we will all go together when we go / What a comforting fact that is to know / Universal bereavement / An inspiring achievement! / Yes, we will all go together when we go! // Oh, we will all burn together when we burn / There’ll be no need to stand and wait your turn / When it’s time for the fallout / And St. Peter calls us all out / We’ll just drop our agendas and adjourn!” Tom Lehrer is a mathematician-pianist-satirist-songwriter who recorded various comedic tunes in the 1950s and 60s. Other works of his include “The Masochism Tango,” “The Vatican Rag,” “National Brotherhood Week,” “The Elements,” and this lovely little apocalyptic ditty. [download]

14 . In Our Bedroom After the War – Stars, In Our Bedroom After the War (2007) “Lift your head and look out the window / Stay that way for the rest of the day and watch the time go / Listen, the birds sing / Listen, the bells ring / All the living are dead, and the dead are all living / The war is over and we are beginning…” [download]

15. Sheep Go to Heaven – CAKE, Prolonging the Magic (2007) “Now I just want to play on my panpipes / I just want to drink me some wine / As soon as you’re born, you start dying / So you might as well have a good time // Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell / Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell…” [download]

16. See You in Heaven – Elliott Smith, Grand Mal: Studio Rarities [download]

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§ 2 Responses to The Rapture 2011: This Time For Real!

  • Joey O. says:

    Good call on the lyrics from “Jesusland”… I’ve always loved the “billboards quoting things you’d never say” line and it’s quite appropriate.

    • Averne says:

      Thanks! That song was pretty much a given for today’s soundtrack.

      I do really feel for those who were so firmly convinced that judgment and rapture would happen today. If nothing else, they were sincere in their beliefs. It also shows the dangers of blindly following one person’s unfounded ideas. I just hope they can find constructive ways to channel those convictions into other avenues come tomorrow morning.

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